SHOULD I EVER GO TO THE GYM WHEN PEOPLE ARE HUNGRY? [written late Jan]

Life here...life as a missionary is full of confusion and challenges. So much is unclear.

I may have written on this before; but, without wishing to undermine God's work through us here or attempting to fully answer this question, it is an awkward thought that I continue to have.

I like to take lots of regular exercise; it's certainly good for my mind and body. So I was at the gym the other day. It's not LA Fitness, and is certainly much cheaper, but is a well equipped gym at KCC (a Scripture Union conference centre in our neighbourhood). The gym is on the second floor with the running machines in front of the windows, overlooking the street.

I was running and saw, out of the window, a man in the street looking up at me. His clothes were brown, his feet bare and his face had that roughness that comes from a hard life; and he was looking at me curiously. I don't know what he thought as he went on his way...but for me it was a familiar, uncomfortable, conscience-pricking moment. Well fed westerner in his sealed environment trying to optimise his fitness. Barefooted Burundian walking down the road; maybe with purpose, maybe not.

I think people at home assume that we know how to deal with this. That we know what the balance is...what the spiritually sound response is. That I know how to respond to the street children outside the fancy bakery.

The divide between the 'haves' and 'have nots' is impossible to get away from. I'm white, so I'm automatically let in, served first and sat at the front. I'm white, so I'm not asked to pay deposits, don't get stopped at the check points and am never asked to lift anything. Even the rain's not allowed to get me wet!

We talk too about living by faith financially...which we do in some sense. But I'll never forget someone saying to me that '...muzungus (white people) print money...'. Initially I dismissed this. But what would happen if we needed to fly to the UK tomorrow, get specialist healthcare or replace a computer? We'd pray...but we'd also make a call or send an email. The money would come. Mostly, the money always comes. I wonder how many Burundians could 'print' money like that?

I get preferential treatment, have the opportunity to optimise my lifestyle, have the same social circle as the UK and can 'print' money. Is this what being a missionary is?

'But life as a missionary is difficult, living overseas expensive and cross culture living stressfull'. Absolutely. It's the hardest thing I've done. It seems impossibly hard at times. But don't others have hard lives too?

'But you can't help if you're broken'. Definitely. But where do I find my strength?

I pray, I trust (sort of) and the Lord provides. But why do I get more?

We gave the workers in our house hampers and bonuses for Christmas...but we got more.

I'm simplifying the complex and making the difficult seem easy. God is doing amazing things through us and all of the missionaries here.

And please don't stop supporting us...we have big funding needs for May - August.

But I still struggle with the wealth gap.

Should I go to the gym when people are hungry? I think so...but I'm not always sure.